A Triumphant Return: 2014 Book Oscars

It's been two years since I last reviewed a book on here! So much is different, so much is not different. It's like that profound quote from The Matrix, "Some things change, and some things...don't." Thanks The Matrix! And how true.

Since 2012, Sweet & Sour Reviews got married. I met the mysterious Cousins. I stopped going to the Burbank Mall for soft pretzels. Well, that about wraps up what changed.

But don't worry, in the last two and a half months I've read 33 books. I'm still very insane interesting.

Here is an amusing gif:

Alright! This is going well. Let's get to it!

The 2014 Crappy Book Awards

Book Most Likely To Make You Angry at your Boyfriend for No Reason



HEY BOYFRIEND, want to make me dinner? Oh no, you're busy? Are you busy trying to kill me on a rollercoaster? What's wrong with me you ask? You would ask that you beautiful monster. IT'S JUST THERE IS NO PLEASURE IN THE WORLD. EVERYONE WANTS TO KILL ME AND I HAVE NO MAGICAL POWERS BUT NO BIG DEAL

Book Which Will Sort Of Make You Wonder While You're Reading It If The Writer Will Be Smote Down By The Heavens For A Really Weird Interpretation of Angels



Basically: Everyone's going to hell.

Book Which Will Depress You Most About "Teens Today"

Once Again:


Basically: I'd sell my soul for a date to prom!

Worst Use Of The English Language 



I am writing a book about the human age class "Teens." I must sound as they sound.
"That's copacetic, I have Spanish at eight o'clock, so that'll work" Freddie says happily.
"This is so gonna pop. Later, Freddie!"
Yes, good. The human teens I brewed in my laboratory sounded just like this.But..what are they named?
..."Buns and Brownie knock on my door when they get back.."
PERFECT. Yes, Buns and Brownie. These are proper TEEN names. Now, what word do teens say a lot? 
"Thanks, sweetie!" Buns whispers..
"Good, sweetie, did you get a chance to look at the manual?"
"You did it, sweetie!" Buns cheers.
"I'll be right down, sweetie, don't move!"
"Are you okay, sweetie?"
"Sweetie, you're so lucky"
"Sweetie, if you don't, I will," Buns says, smiling.
"Oh that's in my car, sweetie."
"How was your practice, sweetie?"
"Here you are, sweetie"
"Sweetie....sweetie..can you hear me?"
This is a good start. But I will need to put "Sweetie" in 51 (Editors note: actually 51 times, this has been counted) more times. It is not enough to be a convincing human teen. 

First YA Book I've Read Where the Main Character Smokes


It was okay.

 Book Where There is Nothing Obviously Wrong With It But You're Sort of Bored But You Think It's Like Maybe Acclaimed Enough That You Should Like It More


Book Everyone Online Thinks Is Amazing And You Wish You Could Understand Why, I dunno, is it the Space Travel Thing?






You Should Read These Instead:
1. Angelfall & World After by Susan Ee
2. Coldest Girl in Coldtown by Holly Black
3. Daughter of Smoke and Bone Trilogy by Laini Taylor
4. Girl of Fire and Thorns by Rae Carson
5. Outcast by Adrienne Kress

Happy Valentines Day,
Angry Book Blog

Fifty Shades of Hey, Girl

You know, one of the first things I say about myself when meeting somebody new is that I like to read, I'm a "reader," I do that, I love books, they're great, it takes up most of my free time. And secretly, when I would tell people this (SUPER INTERESTING) fact about me, I would think to myself, "You sound so fascinating right now, and worldly, and cool, and different, like, who reads so much? They must think you are some kind of genius." Of course I wouldn't say any of that out loud, it was my little secret. Out loud I'd just be like, "Yeah, I guess I'm such a nerd, what can you do?" And yeah, this is gross, I'll admit it, but it was my one thing, you know? My one thing, the thing that makes me awesome, and EVERYBODY AGREES!

I realized something horrific today. When I call myself a reader, that I read, that I'm a bookie, if you will, THIS IS THE KIND OF BOOK THEY THINK I AM IN TO.

I cannot express to you how crushing this is. 

I have been waltzing around this city, yelling over music in bars, smugly noting in job interviews about how I'm a reaaaader, and this. This is what they have thought the whole time. This is the book *everyone* is reading right now, so everyone assumes I'm reading it too. Which, you know, I am, but I'm doing it ironically. Okay, nope, just got it, I really am the worst.

Fifty Shades of Grey, by EL James

Plot

Did you know that this is a sex book? Oh, it is. It's a sex book of sex. And your mom is reading it. Everybody, get on board. It's happening.  

And it's a specific kind of sex book. It's a BDSM sex book. Do you know what that is? I can't really remember what the initials stand for right now but it's probably something like, Boobs, Dominance, Supper, Moonbeam. I don't know. It's that whole spanking thing. Okay?

Calm down, I'm not going to tell you about the sex. That's what this book is! You can't hate on it for that. That would be like going to the garbage store and saying, "Hey! What's all this garbage doing in your store!" I'm here to tell you about the plot.

It's really complicated, try to keep up: This college girl, Anastasia, meets this ultra rich billionaire, Christian, and they date.

........

...

.

That's..that's it. I mean, once they go to IHOP. They order pancakes. That sounds delicious. Umm..she gets drunk at a bar and he picks her up? He buys her a lap top. In one action packed segment, he tells her he likes "Kings of Leon." Anastasia is surprised. 

Okay, there is more to it than that.

 At first, Christian doesn't want love, he just wants to "fuck." But more specifically, Boobs Dominance Supper Moonbeam fuck. He tells Anastasia that the only relationship they can have is outlined in this contract that she has to sign if she ever wants to see him again. And it's like, 

"You will be my sex slave and you have to do everything I say, and I'm into some real weird shit."  

<--- sign here. 

I think it's after that they go to IHOP? I'm not going to lie to you the IHOP part was my favorite part. Pancakes! I'm getting off track.

Will she sign?? Won't she??? Does he love her?? Does she him??? Can he love?? Is this healthy??? Probably not??? But no judgement??? That's the whole book, plus lots of *bedroom* *scenes.*

If you were wondering, yes this book is Twilight without the vampire cloaking device, so there is even LESS plot, thank goodness, wait, no, I think plot is a good thing, but I'm not sure anymore, my world is shattered.

I think one of the parts might be racist?

I mean, Anastasia has this friend Jose, who wants to bone her, and he's always slipping in and out of really kind of obvious, Spanish cliche sayings, like "Dios Mio, Ana!" And, okay, let's just decide that this isn't racist, cause I'm not sure, and there are other things I want to talk about. Like the fact that:

THIS IS A TRILOGY.

Because allllllll.llllll...lllllll that plot can't be wrapped up in one book!!!!! Are you kidding!!! They sort of break it off at the end of this one, but no one is fooled. The only real cliff hanger is whether or not Ana will make it to Jose's photography exhibition. 

The Ick Factor

I think I'm being fair, but you tell me. I went in being like, you can't get grossed out, this book is what it is, but then there was this chapter that started with Christian asking her "Are you bleeding?" And he wasn't talking about a paper cut, and then we get a description where something is pulled out and flung away. I..didn't need that. Please take it back.

Redeeming factor?

Let's talk about pockets.

"Standing, he empties his jeans pockets of his Blackberry, keys, wallet, and money. Holy cow, men carry a lot of crap in their pockets."

Yeah! This is totally a thing! It's weird, like, aren't you guys uncomfortable? Get a purse!

"He stands and removes the condom, knotting it at the end, and puts it in his pants pocket."

THIS IS NOT A THING. THIS IS NOT A THING.

Book Rating

I heard someone say that when this is turned into a movie, Ryan Gosling should play Christian. Man, Ryan Gosling you guys. I could watch a movie about that dude trying to eat tomato soup with his hands. "Soupy" it would be called. Actually...I think I just got why this book is so amazing. I get it now, okay, got it. One million stars.

Hey remember that time I "accidentally" read a romance novel?

It wasn't my fault! I.. tripped.. and fell onto it! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!



Although, now I kind of wish I had accidentally read this one:



Lol. Just kidding, that book terrifies me.

Let's start with a history lesson. According to many books and articles I have definitely researched, including Google Images by The Internet, We used to think Vampires looked like this:


Then, over time, this:

And they have now become this:

Did that picture just turn you into a walking uterus? HE'S A VIKING YOU KNOW.

Whether you like it or not, and most of us secretly kind of like it, Vampires are sexy now. Look, no one likes Twilight, I am not talking about that book, seriously, I swore to myself when I started this blog I would not talk about that book, but just-it's a fact of life, people. It is 2012, the world is ending, Vampires are hot. And I ACCIDENTALLY read a romance novel about them. Ahem.

THE VAMPIRE KING, BY HEATHER KILLOUGH-WARDEN

About the Author:

One reason my friend Sara hated Twilight was because it was so clearly the Author's private fantasy, and reading it made her feel icky. Hey Sara, read this book, you will for sure definitely love it! The main character, Evie, is...an author. Of Supernatural fantasy books. Wait..wait for it..ABOUT VAMPIRES. HAHAHA! I am not kidding. Like, Warden is not gonna fuck around, she knows what this is. This is a book about how great she is and how one day a Vampire King is gonna totally make her his Queen. It's so hilarious that it's sort of admirable. Here is a quote about "Evie," the "character" in this "fictional book:"

"She was one of those souls who were the saving grace of the human race."

Reasons listed for the above:

-She helps out her aging parents

-She lives in a two bedroom apartment

-She's never had a long term illness or speeding ticket

-She has donated to "many charities"

-She has a lot of British comedies on her Netflix que.

This is not a joke. This is real. Those are the reasons listed. (I can just imagine Scientists who are working to reverse global warming reading this and being like, REALLY? THIS MAKES A PERSON HUMANITY'S SAVING GRACE? But Warden would look at them with a knowing smile and be all, "But you have speeding tickets, don't you?")Okay, let's get to the plot.

The Plot

It's super basic, so let me break it down for you. Roman D'Angelo is a Vampire King. He's 3000 years old. I just..I'm laughing, I'm honestly laughing right now. Okay, I'm back. So Roman has never fallen in love with a woman, but that's just because he has not met Evie, the saving grace of the human race you know. So he meets her, stalks her, falls in love with her, saves her from Charles the Evil Kidnapper, and then....Beds Her. I'm no prude but the last chapter in this book made me so uncomfortable I actually coughed. And that's the plot.

The Stalking

It's real intense. What I love about it in this case is how thorough it is. He has to know E-VER-Y-THING about this human.

"She was a vegetarian, she took her vitamins, and she showered with a gel scented of cherry blossoms...she enjoyed vacuuming because the triangles it made in the carpet made her feel productive and calm..."

It goes on. And maybe this is someone's fantasy-to have a guy know EVERYTHING about you and love you more for it, but it's for suuuure not mine. There's stuff I do not want my vampire stalker to take note of. Like, yeah, I'm a regular at Pretzel Time, they know me, hey maybe last week I saw a Pretzel Time wrapper in a parking lot smeared with old mustard and tire tracks and it actually MADE ME HUNGRY. That is..not flattering, no matter how you swing it. So yeah, a note to my Vampire Stalker-only watch through my window when I'm in full make up, reading a sad book by candelight, one silent tear dripping onto the page. Not when I'm alone in the dark, watching Glee on my computer, spilling a cheeseburger down my shirt.

The Choice Quotes

I can't explain why this is funny, but I definitely want to say this as much as possible(The Vampire King, about a group of drunken people):

"The partying had begun early this night, it would seem."

Nice. Also:

"He'd been shadowing her ever since saving her life from a group of rogue horses in a parking lot outside of a mini-mall. He remained close by, always within a vampire's arm's reach."

Oh, did I forget to tell you about the rogue horses? I'm sorry, I'm laughing again. Okay, okay. One more. This is the Vampire King trying to describe in his mind what he wanted to do, sex-wise, to Evie:

"He wanted to......hold her down."

I'm laughing. I'm sorry, I can't stop laughing. It's just so glorious. Hold on I think you need to see that again:

"He wanted to....hold her down."

Book Rating:

I will give this book as many stars as the amount of times the term "unwittingly" is used incorrectly. (This is accurate-I used the Kindle Search Option)

My Friends Hate Me.

Hello again, my crowd of loyal followers! All three of you. How are you, how have you been? What have you been up to? I've been pretty good. Doing things. Today I spilled a cheeseburger down my shirt. (It was a "DRAPEY TEE.") Oh, and I finished reading a book my friends gave me as a present. What was it? The incredibly popular and critically hailed Game of Thrones? No, no. I had to buy that for myself. It was:

Nightshade, Andrea Cremer

My friends hate me.

Do you remember when you were a 17 year old girl in highschool all you wanted to do was have sex? All the time? Everywhere? How you would literally die in some horrible painful way just to have sex with someone-anyone-even some jerk you didn't really care about? ...No? Hmm. Oh, what's that you say? That's some gross fantasy of dudes who want to bone 17 year old girls? ..Oh. Well. Okay, do you remember when you were a 17 year old girl and every guy was pressuring you to have sex with them? Okay, so you DO remember that! Okay. Well, remember how when guys do that, it means that they love you? I'm getting off track again, aren't I. Hey, remember when you were a werewolf?

Plot:

Our heroine is the terminally lovely Calla, the Alpha Werewolf of her pack, the most lovely Werewolfian of all Werewolfia, and but also *just a normal 17 year old girl* who likes to *go to concerts MOM* and *wants to wear her Republicans for Voldemort TEE* (though hopefully won't spill hamburgers down it.) You know immediately you're in for a creepily sexual 454 pages when in the first chapter her mom is like "Preserve your flower for your soon to be husband, dear, but make sure you are super hot and good at boning him." And then your little brother comes in your room and is like "haha, you're going to bone that guy soon!" and everyone reading this shit that's old enough to know how young 17 is IS VOMITING EVERYWHERE. But it's only just begun.

As noted before, Calla is the alpha werewolf of her teenage pack. She has been "promised" to Ren, the alpha werewolf of his teenage pack. They go to school because, what's a YA novel without some cafeteria scenes, you know? But they don't need to. They are paid by "Keepers," (creepy witch people) to protect humans from "Searchers" (scrappy witch people.) When Ren and Calla wed on her 18th birthday they will HAVE SEX, DID YOU KNOW THEY WILL HAVE SEX, THEY WILL, WHEN THEY WED, HERE'S LIKE 300 PAGES DEVOTED TO THAT, but also they will merge their packs to create a Megapack that will protect a magical cave from the Searchers.

When Shay, a mysterious human being, arrives at school, Calla is immediately like, "That guy makes me feel sexual feelings, but I don't want to say that, so I'll just describe how 'heat' flows 'all throughout my body' to 'places I didn't know existed before I saw him.'" Um, not to be crude, but Calla didn't know her vagina existed? Someone get this girl a hand mirror.

Also, can't she just think he's super cute and want to cuddle in his car? Can't he like, make her *heart* flutter upon first sight, and not the alternative? No takers? Okay.

Their pack is directed to protect Shay for some mysterious reason. But he really wants to bone Calla. And Calla wants to bone him. But Ren is promised to Calla! And Ren wants to bone Calla. And Calla wants to bone Ren! WHATS A GIRL TO BONE, am I right?

Then Calla discovers these "Keepers" that she thought were the good guys, are bad guys. And she decides to run off with Shay, instead of wedding Ren. But everyone loves everyone of course. And then she almost dies twice in battles against a giant spider and a succubus. And then her and Shay are carried off by "Searchers," who we can all assume are the good guys now. And that's the end.

This makes me miss Twilight:

Look, I get it. Teenage boys(and girls) have sex drives. And apparently teenage boys want to have sex all the time. The media and my friends have told me this is true. But there is a difference between being like "Hey girl, wanna do this thing?" and "Hey, girl, DO THIS THING. DO IT. NOW. I KNOW YOU'RE PUSHING ME AWAY, THAT JUST MEANS YOU ARE SUPER INTO IT!" That's Ren's approach. She will literally push him away and he will "hold on tighter." And Shay, our sensitive human, is no better. He's like, "DO THIS THING. No? You won't? So you must hate me. You must want me dead. You want my skin to melt off in a horrible fire. I guess I'll just go kill myself."

Besides the obvious reason this is awful, that women should NEVER be pressured into sex, Calla will actually be killed if she has sex with either of these guys. It's like, wolf law, no sex before marriage. Both these boys know that and STILL every other chapter they get her alone and pounce. There are other things going on here, and perhaps the message is that female sexuality should not be dictated by a hyper-sexist society, but I think that's giving this book too much credit.

Calla has a million things to worry about but she's more concerned about which of these date rapists she'd rather marry. And you know what, that's not fair. They aren't always on dates. One time it was in the bathroom. Ren bursts in and is like "DAAATTE!" And Calla's like "I'm POOPING REN." And Ren's like, "THAT MEANS YOU LIKE IT." I don't know, it's all so icky. And at the end of the book both boys are like "I love you forever and ever, "and I think we're supposed to like them but...how can we like them? A couple times Ren's all, "Only when you're ready, Calla." But in the next scene he's like, "IT'S BEEN 40 MINUTES ARE YOU READY YET?" It makes me miss Twilight, where things are also sexist, but at least where Bella's never pressured into anything sexual. She WANTS Edward to bite her pillows and destroy her bedframe. ("That was 200 dollars at Ikea! IKEA, BELLA!")

Choice Quote:

(Trying on her wedding gown.)

"Damn it, Sabine!" I rubbed the new stinging spot at my shoulder. "If I bleed all over this gown, you'll be sorry."

"I'm not breaking the skin." Sabine didn't cover her smile.

"You'll probably just end up with blood all over it anyway." (260)

Redeeming Factor:

The spider fight was pretty cool.

Also, Calla herself is actually a pretty rounded, interesting character.

OH! Also, they talk about Thomas Hobbes and his philosophy a lot! Not my favorite philosopher, but still! It's better than finding another way to describe female arousal, am I right! I'm right. I'm super, super right.

Rating:

I'm giving Nightshade 2 stars and sending it to it's room TO THINK ABOUT WHAT IT DID. You hear me! Don't you slam that door, Nightshade! Don't you sl-

Things that Aren't Creepy: An Ode to Wyatt Everett

Hey, you know what isn't creepy? Writing an entire blog post about books you think your BFF's boyfriend might like. Well, that might be creepy, in a universe where your BFF's boyfriend ISN'T Wyatt Everett. But in this universe, the best universe on earth, that person IS Wyatt Everett. So this blog post is 100% normal, just like me.

I wanted to write a blog post recommending books that would be great specifically for The Wyatt(that's my BFF's really adorable nickname for him, "The Wyatt," they are disgustingly romantic.) But first, I thought I would tell you all a little more about him.


Here he is!
Oh no...wait...that's...that's like K-Fed mixed with a pop culture white trash reference or something...that's not right..that's not...the picture..hold on, one second...

Thaaat's him. On the left. There we go. The Wyatt, everyone.
Things I know Wyatt Likes

-My roommate
-Japan
-Japanese culture
-This one Korean dish that I think has the word "duck" in the title.
-The color green
-Residence Evil
-Cats
-Comic Con

Also, let me introduce you to "Muffin," Wyatt's adorable cat:



Muffin is the most busted, angry cat in the world. Imagine if Lindsay Lohan were 300 pounds with bloodshot eyes and a drooling problem. That's Muffin. And we love him so much.

Anyway, this is all to say that I think Wyatt would really like:


It has almost all of his likes, except for Duck Korean Food and my Roommate. I mean, there's video game stuff and Japanese culture and the color green and even a character that reminds me of Muffin(it's the antagonist.) Anyway, he doesn't read this blog, but will someone pass this along? Thanks.

Quickies

I read 6 books last week(Oh, what's that? A genius? No..no, I'm just a quick reader-Oh, stop it. No..I mean, I'm advanced sure..oh, you flatter me. What's that? No..they're like, fantasy science fiction books...some of them are young adult...what? NO THEY ARE STILL REAL BOOKS, WHAT ARE YOU-I AM A GENIUS, A GENIUS!)

4 book reviews, in 30 words or less.

Total Oblivion, More or Less, By Alan Deniro-A fantastical apocalypse story set in current day America- yet somehow believable, beautiful, seamless, devastating, lovely-READ.

Battle Royale, by Koushun Takami-A brutal Japanese novel telling the story of 42 middle schoolers enrolled in a government program where they are forced to kill eachother-not for the weak stomached, but READ

Vampire Academy, by Richelle Mead-Oh...a vampire school...that's..okay, and well, there are some characters..and plots..and..this book is like novacaine for the mind. Don't read.

If I Stay, by Gayle Forman-Not awesome literature, but I didn't hate it. I kind of really liked it. Could be a prose. Made me tear up. The best kind of cheese factory. READ, MAYBE IF YOU'RE INTO THIS KIND OF THING

Listen, sometimes even geniuses have a hard time counting to 30.

House of Gawky Awkwardness

The Hawaiian bookstore I used to buy this gem didn't have the first one in the series- MARKED, so I had to get the second, BETRAYED, and that's exactly how I felt after reading it today. BETRAYED, that I had missed out on the first book of the series.




Betrayed, House of Night Series, Book 2, by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast

If Harry Potter were set in the U.S., and about only Teenagers, and had a female protagonist, and were in first person, and had a billion cuss words, and the characters used illegal substances, and if the protagonist kind of sucked, like was morally flawed in a way that, okay, if the protagonist was a female Cedric Diggory, bland and hot and sort of good but kind of whatever, and if they weren't wizards but were vampires, and if the headmaster was not an awesome Dumbledore character but was a hot crazy vampire lady, and if it had nothing at all in common with Harry Potter except that it desperately wanted to, it would be the House of Night Series.

This book is a teenager. It's gawky and awkward and cusses ALL THE TIME to try and show bravado and act super cool and fit in with all the other adult books. It tries its best to infuse feminist messages to impress its teachers(and succeeds for the most part) but then tries to seem hip by using homophobic and racist slang and acting like it can because its doing it ironically, but teenagers don't get irony, they get pregnant.

Characters


Oh goodie, first person narrative. And it's a 17 year old teenager! um...yaaaaayyy.....You know it's a teenager because she uses words like "totally," and "skank ho." I know that's what I look for in a strong female protagonist. A hip teen who TOTALLY knows where the skank ho's are at. Anyway, her name is Zoe Redbird, and she's a fledgling, which means a vampire in training. She goes to vampire school. She's really gorgeous, and not only the most powerful fledgling, EVER, also, she's more powerful than adult vampires. She's the most powerfullest ever and also the most beautifullest. Want to guess if tons of guys love her? I guess I'll leave that for plot synopsis.



Villain: Neferet, headmistress.



Her harem, or boyfriends, Loren(a professor)(ew), Erik(vampire)(Shakespearean actor)("hottie"), and Heath(human)(boring)(tasty)(literally.)



Plot Synopsis



Last year Zoe found out she was the most powerful vampire ever, and it was like, soooo embaaaarrassing, she just wants to be a normal girl going to school to become a vampire! But oh well, now she has to take over the elite club at school, the Dark Daughters. Her hot hot boyfriend Erik is out of town at a vampire acting competition(YUP), so I guess she HAS to fall in love with Loren, a professor at school, a vampire poet Laurette(YUP), who is so dreamy. Oh..but then there's Heath, who is a human thus BOOOORINNG, but he lets her bite him, and his blood is like, totally delicious. Also, damn damn, shit, damn damn ass. Anyway DAMNIT, fledglings keep dying because the transformation into vampires kills them some times, and that's too bad. Also, plot points in the form of humans keep disappearing and dying, and it looks like vampires are doing it. Damn. So Zoe and her harem deal with their emotions, and Zoe deals with how hard it is to be so amazing, except she can't stop eating Heath, which is totally against the rules(BECAUSE SHE COULD REALLY HURT OR KILL HIM), what's an extremely weak protagonist to do? Well it turns out it's all Neferet's fault-she's bringing the dead fledglings back to life somehow and they are feeding on humans. Zoe saves Heath from this, using her amazing powers, and later whispers mean things into Neferets ear about how she knows Neferet is total a skank ho and soon everyone else will, too. But we don't know how, why, or what, or anything about anything. That's when this book ends.



.....So....What have we wrapped up?



Almost nothing, that's why you have to buy the second book!



That's...that's some sort of genius thinking..



The best kind!



Writing Quality

Look I should really preface this by admitting that I am terrified of teenagers. They make me so nervous. When I meet one in real life I don't know how to talk to it, so(true story) I will awkwardly say things like, "So, do you...take classes?" What? Like, it's not a Jane Austen novel where the girls are all , Shall I take sewing lessons, then? Or a bit of piano? It's public high school they HAVE to go.."do you take classes"..I'm so weird, so they just respond by staring at me with those tired, dead eyes and I'm like WHY ARE YOU SO TIRED? Didn't you just sleep for 14 hours? WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY? Terrifying, so sulky. I don't know. So I don't engage many teenagers because I am afraid of them, and as a result I'm not sure how the hip kids talk nowadays.

However, I highly doubt that teens still use the same verbiage they did in the late 90's. Do 16 year olds really describe cute boys as "totally yummy?" "Damn, he's totally yummy." Did people EVER describe other people, in all seriousness, as "skank ho's"? It just seems so weirdly obvious, so cliche teenager. Like I said, I'm no expert on how they talk, but I'd believe this book more if the teens spoke in deep raspy demonic undertones and said things like, "He was yummy....TO CONSUME."

I'm exaggerating, but teenagers do make me uncomfortable, and the ones in this story make me even more uncomfortable because the writing style is just so unbelievable. It's not teenagers talking, it's an adult trying to talk like a cool teenager. It's Dad putting on an Ed Hardy T-Shirt and asking where the hip bars are at, you know? Yeah, it's bad writing.

Feminism

I gotta admit, I ate it up. There was some really good stuff in here. Stuff most of us are well acquainted with already(religion is often used as an excuse for misogyny, history is written by men-think about it, etc.) It even subtly touches on the issue of females sharing power. It's dumbed down and snuck in there, which is slightly insulting, but it's there. They worship a goddess and are all about girl power, and because of that if I ever have a daughter I would rather her read this than Twilight. This is cotton candy-Twilight is garbage. Not that I'm a feminist scholar or anything-I learned almost everything I know about it from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Hillary Clinton biographies.

Book Rating

On the crappy book scale-9. It's BAD, okay, this is NOT literature, this makes Harry Potter look like War and Peace, this book is NOT for people who love reading GOOD books-but if the reason you read is to escape life for a while and jump into the skin of a beautiful Mary Sue who is good at everything and gets everything she wants, I won't judge you(too much) if you pick up these books. (That's..a lie. I'm sorry. I will judge you. I can't help it, it's what I do.)